Unnecessary Facebook… Things
Yes, it’s me, and I’m really dusting off the ol’ keyboard to write one of my long awaited blog posts.
So why am I writing this one? Well, because all y’all niggahs do some things on Facebook that are not only HIGHLY unnecessary, but also are a waste of my procrastination time.
1) Let’s talk about the obvious: Facebook games. And it’s not like I have a problem with Facebook games. Shoot, I was totally obsessed with Sims Social for like, 45 minutes. (Which I stopped, btw. It gets mad awkward in class when you’re sitting next to the dude you’re virtually dating. “Sup boy? You wanna come back to mah virtual crib? I just upgraded my pad, bby! ;D” MUSTAVOIDTHAT) But it’s that when I log on to your page, my intention is to stalk your real life activities. You know.. where you are, who you’re with, and whether or not you look cuter on fb than in real life. I don’t wanna scroll through five pages of requests for watering cans on Farmville! NO.
2) Indirectly speaking to people on your status updates. Listen trick, I know that you know that everyone can see your status. And if I may be so bold as to ask that if you HATE this girl for “being fake” or want your ex-girlfriend back, or want your current boyfriend to know that looking into his eyes feels like you’re drowning in an ocean of love of whatever super gay thing you want to say like it, PUT ON YOUR BIG-KID UNDIES AND TELL THEM HOW YOU FEEL IN PERSON. STOP PUTTING IT ON MOTHERHUGGIN’ FACEBOOK LIKE YOU’RE TRYING TO HIDE BEHIND A SEMI-GENERAL STATEMENT. Stop it. This ain’t the 7th grade!!
3) Oh how I ADORE your twitter updates. Let me be quick about this one: twitter is the place to go if you wanna post about the new Glee episodes every five minutes. But leave the twitter updates on twitter.
4) Virtual wrist-sloshing. And I feel like this often times ties in with number two. People loooooveeee writing about their misery on Facebook. And it’s always something like, “I loved you once. I gave you my all and then you shattered me. But it’s okay, I’m stronger than letting someone break me down. I’m rising like a skyscraper” or something equally ridiculous. Look, I really just don’t care. Like really. Write in your diary or something, but don’t blow up my news feed crying those blackasmysoul tears about your failed relationships.
5) “Gym later, then homework!” Why is it that everyone loves posting about themselves going to the gym? And I noticed that they’re never coming home from the gym! Always going to it later! But the truth is that they’re posting it so that everyone can think he has a hot bod. THATSRIGHTISAIDIT.
6) Continuous YouTube song videos. I GET IT. YOU LIKE LIL’ WAYNE. NOW JUST RECOMMEND US THE ALBUM IN ONE STATUS AND BE DONE WITH IT. I’m tired of seeing 15 straight music videos on people’s walls! Haven’t you ever noticed you barely get any likes on them? Yeah. That’s because I’m a lot less interested in hearing them after you exploded your wannabe gritty hip-hop on my news feed.
Can we just stop all these shenanigans please?
